I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
