i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
