In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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