What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
