So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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