Please, let me fuck your mom
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
