Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
