she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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