Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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