I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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