just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never underestimate the power of titties
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