Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We left the knife in your bed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
