we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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