at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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