Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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