Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
