First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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