So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize