i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
