This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hippo gnu deer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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