By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
