dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
