Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dick very happy bro
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