just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
