Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Semen is not good for contacts.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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