I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
