shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
