got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
