I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
