capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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