This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The ass gains better be worth it
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