cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
