If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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