I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
