the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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