hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
