When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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