Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
