just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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