So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
