what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
