When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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