What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize