There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
