The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
