Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
