Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
