is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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