You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
