I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
