smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
