I wish my penis had an off switch
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its not stalking. its research.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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