I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
