i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
