Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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