My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
