Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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