I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Boobs are out for the taking
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
3 2 1 whiskey
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
