Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
