True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize