K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
