Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize