he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
