I smell stomach acid.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
