I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
