i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
