ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
