mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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