so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I yelled at your uterus for you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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