I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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