hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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