Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
