Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
