So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
