how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
